The Return of the King

Author: J.R.R. Tolkien

ISBN: 9780007269723
Pages: 598
Description: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

a rousing climax to the most ravishing love story of the modern age. tempestuous, tormented Frodo at long last learns to accept the love of his lifemate – the loyal and submissive Samwise Gamgee, bottom-extraordinaire. this is truly a tale of love’s labour hard-won, and at such a cost! but love conquers all in the end, and even bitter, militantly hetero villain Sauron cannot stand in the heart’s path for too long. in this third book of the torrid trilogy, Frodo’s love-hate relationship with the concept of commitment – deftly symbolized by a gorgeous, one-of-a-kind, designer ring – reaches a dramatic fever pitch, as he wrestles with his awkward feelings about monogamy & gay marriage in the boiling, repressive deserts of “Mordor” (clearly a stand-in for maverick Texazona). fortunately, the maternal Sam is constantly by his side to offer succor – forever the wind beneath Frodo’s wings.

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the incredibly racy & erotic atmosphere is filled with a circuit party’s worth of soldier types, as well as many classic queer icons: butch trade turned romantic male-model Aragorn; saucy friends-with-benefits Merry & Pippin; the tough & dour yet loveable uber-dyke Arwen; little bear-daddy Gimli; cringing closet-case Oh My Precious; fey pretty-boy Legolas; the exquisite drag queen enchantress Galadriel; and of course, presiding over them all, flouncing from scene to scene, battling his nasty sourpuss of an ex-boyfriend Saruman, and just chewing up the scenery like no one else…the fabulous and effervescent Gandalf the Gay. you go, girlfriend!

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despite the couple dozen unnecessary scenes of Sam staring dreamily into Frodo’s sad sad eyes, this is truly a flawless and timeless gay classic, one that boldly states Love Is a Glorious Burden That We Must Ever Shoulder. love knows no boundaries. and even the smallest of men can have the biggest….”heart”, i suppose. queer fave Enya even contributes to the soundtrack. Return of the King is a luscious, deliriously homoerotic fantasia.

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oops, forgot i wasn’t reviewing the thrillingly fagtastic film version. well, as far as the novel goes, it is perfect. i wouldn’t change a word. even the poetry is awesome.
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